Alone With My Thoughts
by ArthurIsAwesome
Summary: Uk x fem!Us, Canada x fem!Us, Pruk. Arthur makes a big mistake that is bound to change his life for the worse... Or maybe not. A story of a young man becoming a father too soon.


**Author's Note:**

**This fanfiction was based off of a writing prompt for a test I took in school. The prompt was something like "being alone with your thoughts", so I wrote about Arthur. I've just been in the biggest fanfiction slump in forever and so I thought 'Hey lol why not expand?' so here goes nothing. **

**This fanfiction is under Us x Uk because that is the technical pairing throughout the fanfiction. However, by the end you can see the romantic pairing is Pruk. There is also Canada x fem!America – but Matthew is never even in the fanficton so you know... Enjoy?**

**.::.**

"_I was better off without you!"_

The words rung in Arthur's head, and he was convinced that that was why he had such a powerful headache. Swinging his feet slightly over the water of the lake from his perch on the dock, he brushed his fair blond hair from his eyes. The wind was blowing rather harshly, not helping with how cold everything had gotten in the past few weeks. Arthur himself hated the cold, but he sat in a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt out by the water, his dull green eyes cast out into the distance.

Digging both of his hands onto the edge of the dock, assuming he would get a nice collection of splinters in his hands from the old wood, he ducked his head closer to his chest. The wind felt like an icy blanket, always wrapped around him, his body heat doing nothing for him.

A person might think the Briton a fool, to be sitting outside by himself on an early November morning, his bare feet almost touching the water of the chilled lake, but he had his reasons. Mainly, he came out to the dock to think and be alone in a quiet place. No one was taking their boats out, why would they in such weather? Chewing on the inside of his lip with stress and anxiety, he tried to get his brain to process other things besides listening to her shrill, southern accent shriek,"_I was better off without you!_" over and over.

Extending his pale right leg, he dipped his toes into the water and cringed, but left it in. Maybe the cold would distract himself from his pounding headache.

"_What the fuck did you do to her, Arthur? You're my best friend! How could you do this to my sister?"_

Seventeen, Arthur thought, is a hard age. You're just growing up, finding yourself, deciding on what you want to do once you're ready to start a career, and picking out colleges to apply to. People are starting to treat you like an adult, and you have to be ready to bear the weight of it all on your shoulders. Soon, there will be bills to be paid, groceries to be bought, rent to be delivered – money will be short and the work will be tough. With the proper education, however, a person can achieve whatever they set their sights on.

Shoving both of his feet entirely under the water as the wind whipped against him, Arthur yawned softly and brought his tender hands up to hold his arms, which were covered in goosebumps.

"_Amelia, you must understand. I never told you I was interested in a relationship. What happened between us was... It was just a bit of fun. You already knew I was more into men, anyhow."_

"_Well what happened between us left a little more to worry about than my broken heart, Arthur."_

Feeling his feet begin to start numbing down, Arthur silently cursed his parents for forcing him to move to America. He had loved living in London, in a quaint house not so far from the city, with his four older brothers and his one younger brother, and their small kitten named Gentleman. Now, it was just his parents and his little brother, and he hated every bit of it. He hated not being able to tag along with Sean to his archery lessons, and learn a few things himself. He hated not being able to hang out in Aiden's room and listen to music and talk about girls. What he didn't hate was not being bullied constantly by his older brothers when they didn't feel like being nice. Still, he'd take it all back in a heartbeat.

America was far too much for Arthur. Their culture, while not so unlike his own, still seemed so different. It had taken a bit of getting used to over the past two years, and he was eager to graduate and go back to the U.K.

"_You got her pregnant...?"_

"_Yes. The condom broke."_

"_She wasn't even on birth control? You didn't ASK?"_

"_I assumed! Have you _seen _her? With a body like that, you figure she'd know better."_

"_Arthur, you're being such a prick right now! It's just as much your fault as it is hers. Maybe even more so. You better fucking own up to what you've done, Eyebrows."_

Arthur carelessly observed his feet were beginning to look a little purple, and he ignored his chattering teeth. The thoughts of his family and friends were slowly seeping from his mind, from everything, they didn't matter, they couldn't help...

"Worthless,"Arthur spat, and when he heard his voice shaking his eyes widened in an innocent sort of surprise. The last time he had cried had been when he was twelve, and Angus had threatened to drown Gentleman because he had caught Arthur snooping on his computer. After he had begun pleading, begging, apologizing, and then crying for Angus to leave the small cat alone, the older of the two let the cat go. As the cat had scampered away to hide under Arthur's bed, Angus had forcefully pushed Arthur down, and told him that crying was stupid, and a sign of weakness, and that he shouldn't do it anymore. So he didn't.

Feeling the warm tears prickle in his eyes, he began gnawing and tearing at his bottom lip, tasting the blood on his tongue. He didn't want to be weak. He wanted to take it all back. He hated it here. He hated his life. He hated himself.

"_I think I'm in love with him, 'Melia. I don't bloody know how to approach him about it. He's been my friend and nothing more, and due to the situation we're in, he probably has no romantic feelings for me at all."_

"_Well, maybe you should think about dating that albino freak _after _the baby has been born? I'm not expecting you to marry me, Artie, but Alfred has been so protective and angry and if you act even remotely uncaring, or... or...-"_

"_Amelia, love, I wouldn't dream of forgetting about you or our child. I will be by your side, and I'll help you raise him or her. I promise, I will go to a college close-by, and I'll be around whenever you need m-"_

"_Arthur."_

"_... Yes?"_

"_I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'd appreciate your support, while I'm pregnant. It would mean a lot to both Alfred and me. But, after... After the baby is born, I think it would be alright if you left."_

"_... Are you saying you don't want me in our child's life?"_

"_I'm saying I've found someone who would help me raise the baby and marry me and love me, unlike you. The child won't need you, Artie, because who it's real dad _should _have been will already be there. After we graduate, I plan on marrying Matthew."_

Letting out a dry sob, Arthur cut it off quickly, making a sort of choking sound. His head swiveled from side to side, to be sure no one else was on the dock. Crying by himself was one thing, but to have someone know about it... Disgraceful. After he was sure he was alone, he let his soft cries fall freely from his lips, tears flowing slowly from his eyes.

"P-Pathetic... arse... that's w-what you are, Arthur. Arthur fucking bastard Kirkland."

The insults he hurled at himself, in a way, comforted him. Hearing one's thoughts out loud makes the thought more solid and retain more meaning. You can spend your whole life thinking 'I love him', but the moment it leaves your lips, it means something more.

Drawing his feet from the water, he cringed as the freezing air met his cold, wet skin. He didn't care, though. He deserved every kind of pain imaginable. He had gotten a beautiful young girl, whose eyes had been set on success and fortune, pregnant. The baby would probably be cursed with the awful Kirkland eyebrows, and Amelia would have to live with that her whole life. She'd look at their son or daughter, and would not be able to think 'Look at Matthew's baby. My baby. Our baby.' She would think 'Look at my baby. Arthur's baby. Why did this have to happen?'

Tucking his knees up to his chest, he tried to control his despair. He should have been at the hospital right about now, holding Amelia's hand and saying encouraging, loving words to her as she brought their child into the world, being congratulated by Alfred and halfheartedly by each set of parents. He should have been there, proudly calling the baby his own, and that he was the father. Instead, Matthew was there, the quiet boy that had probably had a crush on Amelia since he knew what a crush was, and had run in to be her savior and her rock in her hard time. In a way he was glad – he wouldn't have the responsibility, no need to stay in America, free to date whichever man or woman he wanted – but at the same time, he wasn't.

Beginning to cry again, he was startled when he heard footsteps approach him from behind. Standing quickly, he turned to leave when he saw who it was that had come to greet him.

The taller boy stood in front of him, his jaw set firmly and his bright red eyes glaring into the dull green ones. His silvery-white hair looked somewhat tangled and uncared for, and the clothes he wore looked dirty – but warm. Very much unlike Arthur's.

"She was born about forty-five minutes ago."

Arthur's heart momentarily stopped,"... She? A-Amelia had..."

"A girl, yes,"Gilbert snorted loudly, shoving his hands in his pockets. Pulling out his cellphone, he clicked the screen a few times before turning it around, holding it out for the Brit to see. On the screen, there was a picture of a baby girl, her hands in little fists and her face calm with sleep. She was the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen. After a moment of staring at the alien picture in wonder, he exhaled shakily and Gilbert drew his cellphone back into his pocket.

"Her name is Elizabeth."

Eyes watering, Arthur shook his head and whispered,"I was going to be there, Gilbert. I wanted to be. But... Amelia is marrying Matthew, and he his adopting the child as soon as possible. I wouldn't want to ruin any of that by being there. She will be better off without me – Elizabeth, I mean. I've planned to go back to London as soon as I've graduated."

Sighing quietly as Arthur began to sob again, Gilbert merely replied,"She wanted you there, you know. I know you two don't love each other, but I think she's reconsidering you being out of the baby's life. Other than being a total ass to her when you first found out, you haven't really been that bad to her. You've done what she asked, anyway."

Arthur didn't know how to reply, so he simply walked forth and hugged Gilbert, burying his face in the other's shirt. The albino removed his jacket and slung it over Arthur's shoulders, taking his hand in a caring fashion. As Arthur slid his sandals back on his feet, Gilbert grinned and kissed the Brit's frozen forehead.

"Let's go introduce you to your baby."


End file.
